I Told You It's Dangerous
by La Femme Fatale
Summary: I know it's not very original. So sue me! Some teachers and Sirius are subjected to a spell. PG for language ~CHAPTER 3 IS UP!~
1. Hard Time Teaching

I Told You It's Dangerous  
  
A/N: I am aware of the fact that maybe some of you are awaiting the next chapter of 'Apology', and trust me, I'm working on it. However, however undeniable the progress is, it is also very slow. In the meanwhile, I fear you will have to wait.  
  
Disclaimer: I owns everything! No, Bad Femme, Bad Femme! *beats herself up with a printer* I owns nothing.  
  
It was a beautiful midwinter day in Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry. And still not everything was right. There was a certain tingle of magic in the air that usually did not dwell within the castle walls. Something more than what escaped from the wands and potions of inexperienced students. Not many of the teachers would have sensed it. Albus Dumbledore was absent, taking care of his errands outside Hogwarts, but should he have been there, he would verily have noticed it. But there were some, like Severus Snape, the school's Potions master, Minerva McGonagall, the transfiguration teacher, Remus Lupin, the Defence Against Dark Arts teacher, and Sirius Black, the protégé that had taken refuge within the school grounds, who sensed it. Severus because of the sixth sense in magic he'd developed during the time he served as one of Lord Voldemort Death Eaters. Sirius and Minerva due to their animagus backgrounds and Remus to the fact of him being a werewolf. Harry Potter, the famous Boy-Who-Lived, didn't seem to have sensed anything, as the foursome figured that he would have probably told everyone else of their number but Severus. Perhaps if he was too afraid to spread it around, only to Remus and Sirius, or to Sirius at the very least.  
  
This brought them to the conclusion that it was not magic spell or curse cast by dark wizards, let alone, Voldemort. Even so, they felt they were far from safe as long as that tingle would not go away. So they would discuss it everywhere two would meet; In the hallways, during meals, and would even occasionally interrupt each other's classes whenever they felt like. Things were getting quite complicated, as there were various regrettable incidents in charms classes, such as Accio spells turning into Crucios for no apparent reason. In Potions class ingredients kept disappearing and cauldrons kept blowing up or turning into most interesting things much more often than was usual and acceptable, especially as there wasn't supposed to be any way one could make an explosive potion out of a simple cleaner potion's ingredients (a Long bottom-tested fact), but several explosions occurred even during their making. Transfiguration was no longer safe, as the cast spells tend to hit just about anything they shouldn't have, regardless to where the wand was pointed. They decided direct action was in order. The only remaining problem was that no one knew exactly what to do.  
  
---  
  
It might be so that Harry Potter did not sense anything, but it took a lot less than his scar or a sixth sense of some kind to tell something was wrong. First of all, there was the increasing amount of these weird incidents during classes. Second of all, there was Snape who hadn't taken a single point from Gryffindor ever since it all started. Third, there were these sudden familiar terms Sirius, professor Lupin, professor McGonagall and Snape seemed to have with each other. One could rarely be seen without the others and they were interrupting each other's classes without hesitation and the one teaching wouldn't seem to mind at all. Even Snape wouldn't explode like one of the cauldrons should one of the three others storm in while he was patching up whatever had exploded. He would merely ask to be excused and leave the classroom with the other. That's why Harry was sure there was something wrong. It wasn't normal from any of them.  
  
---  
  
It was a very normal class, given the circumstances, in the Defence Against Dark Arts. Professor Lupin had refused to give them any actual situations, fearing that the dark arts would be too dangerous to face with students, as nobody had absolutely no idea what they would have to expect from the test subjects, including Lupin himself, so they were reading theory. Suddenly the doors to the classroom burst open with a bang. The students turned around to see professor Snape, who had probably just broken the record of how pale one could get, as his face looked perfectly white.  
  
"Remus, I believe you should see this", he said, breathless from running. That was yet another weird thing. Snape was always practically running around the hallways, but never before had the students seen him breathless. Professor Lupin nearly stumbled over the feet of his desk and rushed to the doorway.  
  
"Do Miner-",  
  
"Sirius knows and he left to alert Minerva. They were to fetch Samantha and Hannah as well.", Snape had cut him off, but Lupin didn't seem to care. Suddenly Harry realized they had been calling each other by their first names. This would certainly need some investigations, so to speak.  
  
---  
  
Remus followed Severus around the corridors, when they finally came to halt as they met Sirius, Minerva, Hannah Hooch and Samantha Sprout. They were observing something, but turned at the arriving men and they wore very different, yet undeniably similar impressions on their faces.  
  
"You two finally came", Minerva almost whispered. The half-circle they had formed opened just enough for Remus to see a small, fuzzy cloud which was hovering a few feet above the ground. It was something one would find hard not to stare at.  
  
"What do you think we should do?" Hannah asked,  
  
"I have never seen anything like it before", Minerva said, "Who knows what would become of it if tampered with?" she raised her gaze to Severus, who shook his head.  
  
"I told you in the beginning; It is not Dark Arts as far as I'm concerned."  
  
"I don't reckon it is any kind of controlled magic", Remus said, "In fact, I think it might be wild magic." Everybody turned to him. That's when Samantha started to speak;  
  
"Let's just say it is wild magic. How did it get here? I mean, the wards around the school are supposed to prevent such incidents."  
  
"Perhaps it never came trough the wards", Severus muttered, "It is rumoured that the four founders of Hogwarts were buried somewhere within the castle walls."  
  
"But That's just a legend!" objected Hannah  
  
"So was the Chamber of Secrets", Severus reminded her. This caused an awkward silence among them. Finally, Sirius encouraged himself to speak;  
  
"But we can't just let it stay here!" he said.  
  
"You're right", Minerva agreed, "But how will we get rid of it?" she asked, gesturing helplessly with her hands.  
  
They didn't need to worry about it for long, as the small cloud suddenly moved. It expanded and stormed trough them, throwing everyone into the floor. They got up, feeling a bit dizzy, but otherwise just fine. No visible changes whatsoever. Still they felt like they wanted to cancel their classes for the rest of the day.  
  
---  
  
So that's the first chapter. And the cloud of wild magic did do something to them they will find out in the next chapter. 


	2. Surprising Outcomes

I Told You It's Dangerous  
  
Chapter two: Surprising outcomes  
  
A/N: Yes, I know the first chapter wasn't all that funny, but I'm working on the funny part as well. Here you will see what exactly was the nature of the spell.  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own a thing  
  
---  
  
Harry was half-awake, trying desperately to fall back asleep, as he still had some time before he would have to get up. The snoring of his dormmates was keeping him from sleeping and just as he was about to give up, when a scream echoed in the Gryffindor tower, waking up everyone  
  
"Huh?" Ron said as he sat up.  
  
"What was that?" asked a voice from underneath Neville's bed.  
  
"A scream, I think", said Seamus as he got up from his bed.  
  
"AAAIIIIEEEEEEE!" a new scream announced.  
  
---  
  
In less than fifteen minutes all Gryffindors were in the common room inquiring each other about the screams. Hermione had joined Ron and Harry and the three were now heading for the Great Hall to ask whether the other houses had heard them. And as it appeared, only the Slytherins, being the ones to reside in the underground part of the castle, hadn't heard them. Other houses were discussing the sounds among themselves. At that point many would have given just about anything to see the teacher's faces, but due to a unusually vicious explosion that had occurred the day before, the great hall was still filled with a thick gray smoke, which blurred the sight and one could only make out that everyone was present, but no facial impressions could be seen. Hell, Dumbledore could have dyed his hair bright red and nobody would have noticed. Save the rest of the staff table, of course.  
  
"Do you think it was a teacher?" asked Fred and George (A/N: I'm not bothering to check, but I do think they're still at Hogwarts in Harry's fifth year)  
  
"Seeing as none of the student seem to confess anything, I'd say it was either a teacher or Filch stepped on Mrs. Norris." Harry said  
  
"Too bad we'll have to wait until lunch to find out", sighed Ron  
  
"What do you mean?" Hermione asked  
  
"Well, we have History of magic first, followed by double Potions with Slytherins. And as Dumbledore has already left the staff table, I don't see how could we gain any knowledge about the scream from either Binns or Snape", Ron explained  
  
"That's true", Hermione agreed.  
  
---  
  
The History of magic had gone quite as Ron had predicted. Professor Binns didn't know anything about any abnormalities in the school grounds and started to lecture about the Goblin Rebellions once more. He must have forgotten that if someone was actually paying attention to him, they would already know every word he had to say. After they left the classroom they headed to the dungeons.  
  
"What a lovely start for a morning", Ron complained, "first a very good attempt of boring you to death and if that doesn't work, you'll be observed to death in no time."  
  
---  
  
They were late when they arrived, but luckily, yet strangely, not as late as Snape was, and they had to wait for quite long before Snape showed up. The black-haired professor stormed by them towards his desk. Harry found himself looking after his potions master in bewilderment. He hadn't seen Snape's face, but he saw how the wizard's hips had gained a certain swing to them, making his striding walk seem elastic and easy-going. Harry had never expected the severe Potions teacher to move like that, as the style reminded him of the way very confident women walked.  
  
He, as well as the whole class soon found that was not the only thing that was different about Snape, for as he turned around to face the class (after several seconds of hesitation, one might add) they saw the black eyes wore an expression they had never seen in them before. The nose was noticeably smaller than before, while it still had a crook to it, that too was much less obvious. The lips were fuller and even more visible against the pale skin and there was a obvious curve to them. This all was still framed by shoulder-length black hair, which looked less greasy than usual. Snape's hands were crossed above the waist as usual, which had not necessarily been a wise decision, as this tended to push the open robes back a bit and exposed the black shirt he wore underneath his robes, which was normally nothing to worry about, but this time, however, it gave the students a good view to the obvious bulge in the shirt's chest area. It would appear that Severus Snape had become Severina Snape, in other words, turned into a woman. Harry thought he'd finally begun to understand why some girls had been looking at the male version of Snape the way they had. Snape seemed annoyed. He - She scowled at her staring class a bit in a totally Snape- like manner, as if to say 'It indeed is me'. This, however, didn't make them stop staring. After what seemed like forever, she opened her mouth and spoke.  
  
"If you would kindly cut that out, I would be glad to tell you about the -hmm- shrieks that I believe woke up half of the school this morning." Her voice was similar to his, but a couple of pitches higher. Even still so, it hadn't lost the velvety tone in it and although the low baritone had changed into a clear mezzo-soprano, it was still as calm and threatening as ever. The class changed their stares into observing looks they had learnt to wear in potions class.  
  
"Well then", she said, eying the class, "Surely you too noticed the increasing amount of accidents during the past few days. I, along with professor McGonagall, professor Lupin and Sirius Black have been investigating the matter, and yesterday Mr. Black noticed a certain irregularity in one of the hallways. He alerted the rest of us as well as professor Sprout and madam Hooch. Together we all went to see it and we seem to have got rid of it, even though this morning all six of us woke up in a quite different body than we were used to, which, I believe, Explains the screams. Therefore, I am rather sorry to announce that Potions, Herbology, Flying, Defence against Dark Arts and Transfiguration classes are cancelled until further notice." She looked around the classroom, "Which means you can all pick up your cauldrons, get the hell out of here and keep away until said notice has been made." The class did as told and left.  
  
---  
  
The staff room was rather deserted, for the exception of the six transformed professors. Hannah hung his head and ran his hands through his short gray hair. Minerva was shifting in his chair as he didn't find her (A/N: I refer to anything that belonged or related to their former gender as their former gender) old clothing comfortable at all anymore. Same would go for the rest of them, as Severus (a.k.a. Severina) was ceaselessly adjusting the chest part of her shirt, as his clothing were rather tight for reason she could not remember nor understand and Remus was swirling in front of the mirror, wondering what could be done with his old robes to make them fit better. Finally, they all gave up.  
  
"I think we need to visit Diagon alley to get new clothes", sighed Samantha as he made another worthless effort to move the waistline of her robes. Silent nods were the answer to the suggestion.  
  
---  
  
The next chapter: Diagon Alley.  
  
A/N: You think it would be appropriate to make one of the former guys now chicks to have periods a.k.a. that time of the month? 


	3. Diagon Alley

I Told You It's Dangerous  
  
Chapter three: Diagon Alley  
  
A/N: First, I will answer my reviewers simply because I want to. Got an objection? Oh, that's all right, I wasn't going to listen to them anyway. So, to S: You've got yourself a deal! To chickens: I reckon they hadn't reviewed because they hadn't had the time to. To Star: I will, thanks for your encouraging words! To birch wood: You really think it's funny? Well I'd hate to stop here when people seem to like my story.  
  
Oh, and I apologise for referring to Sirius as a professor in chapter two in the "The staff room was rather deserted, for the exception of the six transformed professors." - part.  
  
Disclaimer: I still don't own a thing  
  
---  
  
The six transvestites (well, they all wear the opposite sex' clothing at the moment, don't they?) left Hogwarts without anyone noticing. Apart from Dumbledore, of course, whom they had felt obliged to inform about their intentions. The headmaster had, kindly enough, informed Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions (saying that five teachers and a protégé of Hogwarts having a sudden and unintentional sex change was indeed occasional enough). From Hogsmeade they took the floo powder to Leaky Cauldron and proceeded to Diagon Alley.  
  
---  
  
Madam Malkin was rather amused to see their predicament, but her smile soon faded as she realized that she could not find suitable robes from her storage room and would therefore have to take measures and make them herself. She was nearly knocked out as she realized how much ladies' robe fabric it would take to make the robes for Severus alone, as it might have been so, that Severus Snape had been a somewhat tall man, but she was one helluva tall woman, and as ladies' robe fabric for some reason cost a sickle more for a metre than men's did, and as women were usually shorter than most men, their robes were as affordable as men's. And Sirius was not far behind Severus in height.  
  
---  
  
"Hey", Sirius exclaimed as they left Madam Malkin's, "We have the rest of the day off, don't we?"  
  
"You have all the days off, Siri", Minerva pointed out.  
  
"Be that as it may, but couldn't we go to Three Broomsticks for a drink? It's been ages since the I last tasted butterbeer. As a matter of fact, It's been ages I've been able to walk around in my human form without everybody calling the Aurors"  
  
"I won't object", Remus said, "I want some of that as well." After a little pow-wow, they decided for it and set off to Hogsmeade.  
  
---  
  
In The Three Broomsticks, all six scattered around the pub to experience the possibilities. Sirius and Minerva started to have an idle conversation, when Sirius' eyes suddenly focused on someone behind Minerva's back and Widened. Minerva turned around to see Cornelius Fudge enter The Three Broomsticks. When he turned back at Sirius, she was already gone, making a great effort to blend in the crowd around the bar counter and pretending to be talking with Severus. Unfortunately, Fudge didn't seem to much care to sit in a table this time, even as there were several of them free. Instead, he headed towards the counter as well, and Minerva had a feeling he'd seen Sirius.  
  
---  
  
"Sirius!" Severus hissed as the other woman made some room for herself by her side.  
  
"Shh!" Sirius silenced her, "Fudge!" she explained and Severus was able to catch a glimpse of the little Minister of Magic as she glanced around.  
  
"Bound to happen", she muttered under her breath, "Let's just hope he doesn't see us, and if he does, that he won't recognize you. Not that I'd care to be recognized by the old geezer, either." She took a sip of her butterbeer.  
  
Fate, however, either didn't hear their wishes or didn't care. Either way, Fudge did see them, and he did recognize them on some level, as he concentrated on the duo and approached them.  
  
"Hello, ladies", Fudge greeted and both Sirius and Severus slowly and obviously reluctantly turned their heads to face Fudge, who, judging by his idiotic grin, didn't get the clue. That grin was more than enough to make them feel uneasy near him. Fudge studied their appearance from head to toes, which made them even more nervous.  
  
"Do I know you?" he asked, raising an eyebrow  
  
"I- I do not think so", Severus hurried to reply  
  
"But we sure do know who you are", Sirius said, and fudge smiled even wider 'Uh-oh', Severus though, 'a BIG mistake there, Siri.' She risked a sideways glance, as She was sure half of the pub were staring at them. To her relief only Minerva, Hannah and Remus seemed to be paying them any attention. She formed eye contact and formed the word: "Help" with her lips. They smiled and Minerva shook his head slightly. It would seem that they were on their own, then. Severus turned back to Fudge and Sirius. It looked like he was trying to hit on them. As sickening the thought was to Severus, she tried ever so hard not to scowl or express any of the other ones of the patented expressions of Severus Snape, as she was too afraid to be recognized. It was particularly hard with Fudge trying to talk the two of them into bed. BOTH of them, for Merlin's sake!  
  
---  
  
Sirius saw how hard Severus tried not to express how disgusted she was. Then again, so was Sirius.  
  
"So, what might your names be?" Fudge asked, flashing a smile he obviously thought was sexy.  
  
"Se - oof" Severus paused as Sirius elbowed her in the ribs, "I mean, Serena, um, Sn.iper. Yes, that's it, Serena Sniper." She said with an indifferent face. Fudge turned his attention to Sirius.  
  
"Uh, Sinna Blanc", she said.  
  
"Well, pleasure to meet you two fine ladies. I've always preferred tall women", Fudge said, failing to notice the twitching in the corners of the tall ladies' eyes. Sirius was beginning to consider hexing Fudge to next Saturday, when Remus and the crew ¨decided they'd had enough fun on their expense, and came to help, Remus holding on to Minerva's arm, grinning almost maliciously, with Hannah and Minerva by their side. Samantha tapped Sirius on the shoulder.  
  
"Sinna, if you and Serena are quite done, I reckon we should get back. After all, if we're going to catch that muggle movie, we'd bette go change clothes." With that, he grabbed her arm as Hannah dragged Severus with him. Once they'd got out, Sirius and Severus turned to thank their saviours.  
  
"You guys owe us one", Remus said.  
  
"No, we don't", Severus obliged, "If you came earlier, then maybe."  
  
"What do you mean, earlier?" Hannah asked, still holding on to her arm  
  
"Grabbed my ass, that bastard did", Severus said, murkily.  
  
"Mine too", Sirius said, "We own you nothing." She concluded. The four others nodded and all six of them stared to make their way back to Hogwarts.  
  
---  
  
There was the third chapter. It's not quite as long as the previous two, but I believe there is enough for one chapter. And still, the periods question remains, as well as how would you like them to change back to normal. IF you want them to change back at all, that is. Should they begin to change inside, too? Like Sev, Siri and Remmie starting to like men and stuff. 


	4. A New Day Of Teaching

I Told You It's Dangerous  
  
Chapter four: A new day of teaching  
  
A/N: Now I shall take some of your time to answer my reviews. To S: I would like to see it, too. I mean, of course I see it inside my head but it's not the same.  
  
Also, I have something to get off my heart. Some seem to think Snape's old and that Lupin's old, but nobody says such thing about Sirius. They were all in the same year, for god's sake! And besides, they are all rather young, as a thirteen-year old Harry saw Lupin as man, who, "though quite young, his light-brown hair was flecked with grey", which is to me, that he really is quite young, as we all know how bad kids less than fifteen are with guessing people's ages. That brings us to the conclusion that none of the marauders, nor Severus can be much over thirty. At least that's what I think. If we assume that Potters had Harry soon after graduating, that would be pretty close. Anyone with me?  
  
Disclaimer: Oh, c'mon! You'd really think I could own these guys?  
  
---  
  
After some more shopping (pantyliners, make-up, shavers, cologne, deodorant and other bathroom stuff) they returned to Hogwarts, making sure no students saw them. They retired to their private quarters.  
  
---  
  
The following morning, every cancelled class had been returned to the schedule and Harry and co. had the pleasure to begin their day with Defence Against Dark Arts, under the watchful eyes of miss Remus Lupin. They hurried to class and were not surprised that they were not the first ones there. Ever since they started to hold the Gryffindor DADA classes with Hufflepuff, they would be the first ones there, this time being no exception. After all had taken their seats, professor Lupin came in, acting no differently than he had before. Well, if not for the fact that she was wearing a new set of robes, that no longer hung loosely and perfume, which earned a muffled remark "Chanel 5. on Lupin. Puh-lease!" from among the students. Fortunately for whoever it was, Lupin didn't seem to hear it.  
  
"As the incidents that made it impossible for us to have any practical lessons have now ceased, we will be off to the lakeside to see if we could find any amphidusas", she said. Everyone was already packing their books when she continued;  
  
"But before we go, does anyone know what exactly is an amphidusa?" she was not surprised to find Hermione the only one to know the answer, but her hand was a bit shaky, too.  
  
"Yes, miss Granger?"  
  
"An amphidusa is a magical subspecies of ordinary medusas that can live on dry land short periods of time. They are most likely to be found by lakeshores, since they prefer to stay close to water."  
  
"Excellent, miss Granger, ten points to Gryffindor. Would you happen to know what is the serum they produce used for?" this time, Hermione went speechless. Seamus Finnigan, on the other hand, did seem to know, as he raised his hand steadily, causing Hermione to turn red around her ears.  
  
"Mr. Finnigan?"  
  
"It is, when handled right, said to be the most powerful cure to almost any charm, hex, curse or potion. But as there are only few wizards of witches able to brew such complicated medicine that many question its abilities." Seamus said, obviously trying not to look down from professor Lupin's eyes, who glanced about the classroom and frowned.  
  
"Precisely. Another ten points to Gryffindor. And don't you youngsters think I don't know what you are thinking. Yes, I do believe it could be the answer to my predicament, but you may ask any seventh year and they will tell you I taught them about the amphidusas two years ago as well. It is part of the curriculum, as they are found in large populations by the lakeshore", she scowled, yes, really SCOWLED at them, which forced Harry to think that maybe she'd spent too much time with Snape.  
  
"Well then", she said, as cheerily as ever, "Shall we go?" The class hastily packed up and followed her outside to the school grounds.  
  
---  
  
The amphidusas turned out to be small, squirmy creatures that resembled ordinary medusas in any ways, the only irregularity besides the small size being that they seemed to glow a strange light that didn't light any of the surroundings. Prof. Lupin explained that it was the counterserum, as some liked to call it, that caused the mysterious glow. They pulled their dragon skin gloves on and caught some of them in a large glass jar she had brought wit her. Se said they would see them again in the potions class. With that, she dismissed her class and headed down to the dungeons.  
  
---  
  
After DADA they had Transfiguration. They were eager to see McGonagall's appearance, as the smoke cloud still shrouded the view to the staff table. And as he entered the classroom, they all studied his appearance. He'd gotten himself new robes, which were a lot like the ones she used to wear. His long black hair had been released from the tight bun she'd worn it in. (Harry tried to suppress a fit of giggles when he imagined the man with his hair tied in a bun) He had tucked it inside his wizard hat. Out of sight, out of mind. Not many were able to concentrate on the lesson, as they looked forward to next day's Potions lesson. Sure, they'd seen Snape, but it was before the teachers had been to Diagon Alley to get new robes and other "supplies". It was rumoured that Sirius and Snape had met Cornelius Fudge at some point and some said Fudge had tried to seduce them. Harry found the idea very disturbing.  
  
---  
  
In the Potions class, the Gryffindors found the Slytherin house already present. They obviously were not willing to miss anything.  
  
"Wait till you see her", sniggered Malfoy to Harry, bringing up a memory of Mourning Myrtle, when Hermione had turned herself into a cat girl, "She's.", Malfoy seemed to be searching for the right word, ".different, to say the least." This sudden politeness puzzled Harry, but not for long, as he got other things to think about when Snape arrived. It would seem that she'd found whole new dimension in bringing her appearance as gothic as she could after being transformed into a woman. The redness of her lips was completely covered under a layer of black lipstick. Her robes were new, but the colour was not. Her robes were still loose whereas the dress she wore underneath was pretty snug from the torso part. (Harry almost heard the girl behind him mutter: "A fucking 30C, that's what she is. I hope they find a cure soon", to her neighbour) and Harry even caught a glimpse of black nail polish in the tips of her delicate fingers. For once, they were not supposed to brew anything. They were studying the theory of the making of counterserum. Somehow Gryffindor managed to get through the class without losing any points. Harry began to wonder if the in their appearance wasn't the only effect the unknown spell had had on the sextet. Maybe they were slowly changing into completely different personalities as well. Snape couldn't possibly get any worse, but Harry found himself worrying about Sirius above all the others.  
  
---  
  
Outside the school of Hogwarts, a blonde wizard looked up at the castle. He flashed a smile, revealing his glowing white teeth and started pacing towards the castle.  
  
---  
  
Anybody for McGonagall, Sprout and Hooch getting out of their trouble? I mean I find it hard to write about women changing into men for several more or less good reasons. The best ones are that I simply don't know what to write as I am female myself, and as I like the male characters more and find it easier to write about what they're going through. Besides, it would make a nice "unfair!" reaction among our she-males (the ones who were male) not to change back at the same time the others will. And if you have any idea as to how to do that, just tell me. I do have an idea of my own, but I'm open for your suggestions.  
  
Oh, and I'll award you loads of fizzy whizbeez if you manage to guess who this blonde wizard is. 


	5. Old Acquaintances

I Told You It's Dangerous  
  
Chapter five: Old Acquaintances  
  
A/N: As I wrote this, ff.net had banned me from updating due to a non-story help plead that they obviously considered violating towards the guidelines. I ask you now, how am I supposed to get any help with a story unless I ask you guys? And just how am I supposed to ask you guys if I can't post the question for a short while? The plead for help in question had been taken down by ff.net. I'm sorry for my loyal readers (should there be any) for the delay.  
  
To all who guessed; Lockhart: Congratulations! It indeed is the return of Gildylocks. You may claim your fizzy whizbeez at Honeydukes.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter nor any of the characters. Jane Moathill DOES belong to me, as she *is* me.  
  
---  
  
Two weeks after the changes, the school awoke to a scream, or more like to a very surprised yelp, again. One could only imagine what a rush it made to the Great Hall, as the smoke cloud had finally faded away. Once there, all could very clearly see that McGonagall, Hooch and Sprout had returned to normal, to women, that is, whereas Snape and Lupin were still ladies. The former were caught into a fierce conversation with the latter. Harry found himself wondering whether Sirius had been changed back or not. Well, seeing how friendly terms Sirius had with Snape, Harry figured that he could ask his potions professor in the potions class today. The sex change had really done wonders to old Snape; She was a lot nicer than as a male, and the silky voice was now soothing, rather than threatening. She had not once made an attempt to make Neville nervous or pin something he'd screwed up on Harry. She was, in fact, steadily climbing up the ladder of Harry's favourite teachers. Lupin she could not surpass, but she'd most probably get to the second place. Harry's thoughts were interrupted by Hermione, who was tugging his sleeve impatiently.  
  
"What is it, Hermi?" Harry asked. Hermione pointed to the Slytherin table, where Draco was talking to a girl, whose brown hair struggled with itself between the choices of straight and curly. The outcome was a weird mix of wavy hair that curled in the ends. She was tall for a girl. 170 centimetres (about 5 1/3 feet, I'd think) or so. On a closer look, it was wrong to say that Draco was talking to her. He had no change of speech whatsoever, as the girl's mouth was moving at most certainly inhuman speed. Harry hoped that the chatterbox wasn't on the fifth year like she seemed to be.  
  
"Who is she? Where did she come from?" Hermione asked  
  
"Dunno, but I hope she keeps it to herself." Harry muttered  
  
"She looks like our year, so she will most probably be attending potions, flying and DADA with us."  
  
"Waitasecond, Hermi. Defence Against Dark Arts? She's obviously in Slytherin."  
  
"Yes, but the Hufflepuffs and Slytherins exchanged some timetable places and Slytherins are now in the DADA with us."  
  
"This is going just great." Harry muttered.  
  
"Oh, cheer up, Harry", Ron said, "Besides, Malfoy hasn't been so bad ever since his Dad divorced from his mum."  
  
"Quite true", Harry agreed, "But there are always the other Slytherins. Not that they would do much, anyway."  
  
The rest of the breakfast they were talking about various things; Classes, friends, mischief. the usual.  
  
---  
  
The day had passed incredibly fast and Harry & Gang soon found themselves in front of the potions classroom. Soon after they'd taken their seats, Harry's worst fears became true; The new girl *was* a fifth year. She left Draco's side and came to introduce herself.  
  
"Moi, c'est Jane Moathill. C'est qui?" She said, smiling  
  
"Beauxbatons", Hermione whispered  
  
"Oh, non! Je nes venirs pas de Francé", she exclaimed, "Je venirs de Finland. Je suis Finlandaisé."  
  
"What did she say?" Ron asked  
  
"Oh, you don't understand me?", she said, in perfect English accent (everything is possible when you're an Auror, I mean, Author)  
  
"We do now", Hermione said, "Are you French?"  
  
"Not really. I'm studying French. I'm really from Finland."  
  
"Then why the hell did you speak French?" Ron asked.  
  
"Dunno, I've always wanted to speak French to people who don't know whether I'm making any sense."  
  
"Were you?" Harry asked  
  
"Beats me. I think so, though." She smiled, "Jane Moathill." She offered her hand  
  
"I believe you said that at some point", Ron said, "What does it mean?"  
  
"It means my name's Jane Moathill, you - you - Weasley!" She nearly screamed in his face.  
  
"That's it!" Ron shouted, "No one, and I mean *no one* calls me Weasley and lives!"  
  
"Uh, Ron." Hermione interrupted.  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"You are a Weasley",  
  
"Huh? Oh, so I am. Cool." Ron sat down, humming the tune of Teletubbies.  
  
---  
  
After Snape had introduced the new member of his house to the Gryffindors, the potions class went on pretty nicely, until Jane caught Snape's eye.  
  
"Hey!" Snape shouted, as she chased her around the classroom, "Give me my eye back! I need it!"  
  
Jane ran fast, although not even half as fast as she talked, "Nope, but I can exchange these funny black eyes of yours with these weirdly coloured ones of mine. The left one has a bit blurry view, but you can see stuff with the right one"  
  
****okay, so that didn't happen. Let's go back to where Jane caught Snape's eye****  
  
"Miss Moathill, have you been paying any attention to my teaching at all?"  
  
"Hardly", she replied and resumed stirring the cauldronful of cold water, "But I have managed to create a temporary whirlpool in my potion, wanna see?" She offered the cauldron to her view  
  
"Miss Moathill, I would rather go out with Cornelius Fudge than call *that* a potion"  
  
"Yes, well, a bit watery, isn't it?" She admitted, "Maybe if I add more water."  
  
"May I inquire how in the name of Merlin did you make it to Hogwarts in the first place?" Snape said. This girl was really bringing out the worst of her and that was indeed not very good.  
  
"I have my ways. But it doesn't mean I don't know about things. Ask me anything."  
  
"Very well. Where would you look if I asked you to find me a bezoaar?"  
  
"Depends", she said  
  
"On what?" Snape growled.  
  
"Well, the first thing I would do would be to break into your storage room and turn it upside down in search. If I would not find it, I suppose the nearest farmer would find his goat with its stomach slit open and hung upside down in his barn."  
  
"Removing a bezoaar doesn't necessarily require killing the goat that bears it, and it most certainly does not require such ritual manners."  
  
"Not the way you do it, but I want to give the farmer something to think about, too." Jane sunk her hand into her cauldron and absent-mindedly patted some water on the top of her head.  
  
"To make my hair stay in place", she explained, "And it can also be used to was one's hair, you know."  
  
"That's it!" Snape bellowed, "OUT! And ten points from Slytherin!"  
  
"What, no detention?" Jane asked  
  
"It would be a horrible punishment to any teacher to counsel it." Snape answered, starting to calm down.  
  
"Um, professor Snape?" Harry asked, when that Moathill girl had got lost. (Shouting; "Arvaa muututko sä siitä enää takaisin!")  
  
"What is it, mister Potter?"  
  
"Um, I was wondering. Is Sirius.?"  
  
"She hasn't changed back. We all took the antidote last night. Dumbledore reckons that oestrogen, the female hormone, is deflecting everything we try. Professors McGonagall and Sprout, and Hooch didn't have any when they took the potion, so they experienced no trouble at all, whereas we - me, Sirius and professor Lupin - found it ineffective for us.  
  
"Oh." Harry said.  
  
---  
  
There you are. Now the translations:  
  
"Moi, c'est Jane Moathill. C'est qui?" French, It means "I'm Jane Moathill, Who are you" (not a direct translation)  
  
"Oh, non! Je nes venirs pas de Francé --- "Je venirs de Finland. Je suis Finlandaisé." French, I think it means "Oh, no! I'm not from France" --- "I'm from Finland, I'm Finnish"  
  
"Arvaa muututko sä siitä enää takaisin!" Finnish, means "Just guess are you ever going to change back!"  
  
So, Gildylocks didn't have the time to interfere, but he will. And Jean Lamb said it would be funny to see Lucius Malfoy on a date with lady Snape. If you find it a bad idea, then for god's sake, stop me from writing it!  
  
And another thing. If you would like to make an appearance in this story, tell me your name, gender, house and year (you don't need to tell the truth). A description of yourself would be nice, too. If you don't want to be a student, then just tell me what you want to be and who do you want to meet. 


	6. Old Acquaintances for real this time

I Told You It's Dangerous  
  
Chapter six: Old Acquaintances - for real this time!  
  
To B-chan: I'm one of that ship, too. I just write other things as well. By the way, you didn't give me any other name than B-chan, so we'll just settle with that.  
  
I can't remember who said they'd like to see Luc hitting on Sev, and funnily enough, that's exactly what I had in mind.  
  
A/N: Yeah, well, what can I say? "I'm back, everybody!"? This time, Lockhart comes to make an appearance. Woo-Hoo!  
  
Disclaimers: Are in the previous chapters.  
  
---  
  
It was a normal potions lesson, or as normal as it ever would have been with the Moathill girl. Snape was particularly angry at her and paired her up with a very annoyed sixth-year Slytherin, who was attending to both sixth and fifth year Potions because she hadn't passed the Potions test last year (Due to the fact that she was preoccupied with staring her Potions professor, who was male at the time, and in the end, had come out with a flawless love potion powerful enough to make a whole legion of Snapes fall in love, but it hadn't been the requested potion so it was an "F" and a terrified look on Snape's face for her). She was about 5ft2 tall and she had black eyes and shoulder length brown hair with red highlights. She and Jane were giggling and adding ingredients in their potion in random order and quantities. Snape stopped by their cauldron.  
  
"For you two young ladies' information, the dyeing potion is not supposed to be a faint green. In fact, I have not seen a correctly-brewed potion that would be of that shade."  
  
Jane giggled. "This is no dyeing potion."  
  
B-chan smiled lovably at Snape, "As a matter of fact, we think we have come up with an antidote to whatever magic it was that affected you and some other teachers."  
  
"It isn't affected by oestrogen", Jane finished. Snape's eyes widened.  
  
"Even small quantity has effect. See for yourself", Jane said and sprinkled some of the potion on Snape's face, which immediately changed into the male Snape's face, but only long enough for him to see his reflection in the mirror B-chan offered him (plus the faraway looks on the two girls' faces), then she made her comeback. The girls looked disappointed.  
  
"Well, a good try, girls. Could you give me your recipe?", Snape said.  
  
"Sorry, but we were just randomly mixing stuff and there it was", B-chan said as she shrugged and smiled innocently.  
  
"Well, ten points from Slytherin for not following the class, and five for a good try to create a new kind of potion", Snape said calmly.  
  
The class was dismissed, and in the hallway B-chan charmed Malfoy immobile.  
  
"Wait right there, don't move", she said and set off after Harry Potter and his gang. Jane pondered for a while and decided to first curse Crabbe and Goyle (just in case) as well and then ran after B-chan. They quickly caught the Gryffindor trio.  
  
"Say, Potter", B-chan spat out Harry's last name like it was something filthy and tossed her hair, "Why did you grin at me when professor Snape turned back to woman, huh?" she bared her teeth at him.  
  
"I was at the other end of the room and you couldn't possibly have seen the expression on my face, and besides, even if I would have grinned, I would have grinned at my friends", Harry answered.  
  
"So you admit, POTTER! I know you're an idiot, but you just said too much."  
  
"You're just assuming!" Harry nearly shrieked  
  
"A little help?" Hermione pleaded Jane, "I know you're smarter than you look. Take that maniac away!"  
  
"Sorry, Granger", Jane said, "But I've been wanting to get back at you guys ever since the third book."  
  
"The third book?" Harry arched an eyebrow  
  
"When Weasley called Snape with a very inappropriate name and when Potter hissed to Snape to 'keep his filthy hands off' his invisibility cloak. And do you really think I look stupid, Granger?"  
  
"How do you know about the cloak thing and what Ron calls Snape on his own time?" Harry asked  
  
"I-" Hermione begun  
  
"Yes, you acted very nicely in those situations, but only because Snape's a teacher and because that was supposed to happen. Okay, maybe I won't let her beat you up too badly."  
  
"But Potter's gonna get it!" B-chan shouted, but just then McGonagall appeared out of nowhere and took ten points from Slytherin.  
  
"Has points taken by Snape!" Jane whined, but McGonagall did not give up. Jane made a mental note to hex her the day she would come up with a hex impressive enough.  
  
"Oi, Draco of the apes!" Jane exclaimed and B-chan looked around to see Draco Malfoy's back disappear behind the corner. Both crazy Slytherin girls ran after him. Harry shrugged and all three Gryffindors proceeded towards the DADA class.  
  
---  
  
During Harry and gang's Defence Against Dark Arts lesson, where they were studying theory once again, Sirius stormed in the room with her hair curled by magical ways and wearing a lot of make-up.  
  
"Remus! You might want to make a new name up for yourself and fast!" She exclaimed. She took a step closer and from the doorway in came something so unnatural that many started to cough, (despite the spiteful looks of two Slytherin girls we all know and love) as they were trying to suppress a burst of laughter. What they saw was professor Snape, who was wearing green robes on her black dress and had pulled her hair back into a ponytail. Her lipstick was red for a change and she was wearing darker make-up so she didn't look so pale.  
  
"Go on", she said, smiling, "Laugh. I know you want to. As long as you won't be like that for the rest of the day." And so the class burst into laughter and only few were able to keep their eyes open long enough to see Sirius enchant Lupin's hair and clothes, when Snape created some make-up for her. The three witches then turned to each other and Sirius begun a countdown.  
  
"Three, two, one."  
  
"Eeeek! It's Gilderoy Lockhart!" All three screamed in unison and Harry finally understood. After he'd done laughing, that is.  
  
"Lockhart? He's here?" he asked, surprised, "But why are you doing all that if it is just him?"  
  
"Disguising ourselves, that's what." Snape explained.  
  
"Excuse me for saying so, but I don't believe that was necessary in professor Lupin's case", Hermione said.  
  
"Perhaps not, but Lockhart has been keeping a close eye on Hogwarts business and especially the DADA teachers ever since he got sacked from the school, and we don't want to take any risks", Snape said, "Besides, he is bound to be back even after this. Assuming that he's not going to mess with someone too mighty, that is."  
  
"And it would have been unfair not to make Rem do the same", Jane said, but nobody paid any attention to her.  
  
"I see", Hermione said and nodded, "So you're trying to act like an average Lockhart-obsessed witch to wipe out every change of recognition."  
  
"Exactly", Sirius agreed, "Lockhart is not stupid."  
  
".Just a self-obsessed jerk with the IQ of a troll", Snape finished. The whole class started laughing again. Even Draco, who was sitting next to Jane and B-chan. Snape glanced at him weird.  
  
"He's not sitting there because he's under Imperius, is he?" she asked, but both girls shook their heads  
  
"Women don't need Imperius to make men obey. It is one of the mysteries of the life. You'll learn how to do it the ladies' way if you stay that way long enough", B-chan said.  
  
As Snape and Sirius returned into minding their own business, Lupin resumed teaching his class. Although not long after, Lockhart stormed into the classroom.  
  
"Hello, again, young wizards and witches of tomorrow", he greeted happily and went straight to Lupin.  
  
"Are you the new teacher of Defence Against Dark Arts?" he asked.  
  
"Yes, that would be me. You - You're not the famous Gilderoy Lockhart, are you?" she said maybe a bit too excitedly, but Lockhart didn't notice that.  
  
"Ah, yes. I am Gilderoy Lockhart. So you've read some of my books, then? "  
  
"Well, yes, I have flipped through some of them."  
  
"Dumb ass!" Jane interrupted.  
  
"Loser!" agreed B-chan. Gilderoy, however didn't seem to know the meaning of these fine words, or he thought they were directed to Lupin, as he beamed a smile at his two 'admirers' and, assuring that he would return, left the classroom.  
  
---  
  
While every Slytherin was still in the Slytherin common room studying or otherwise up to no good, Remus Lupin and Sirius Black suddenly burst in.  
  
"Sinna! Remelia!" Jane's face lit up, "Won't you have tea with me and B- chan?"  
  
"No time", Sirius answered.  
  
"I was going to pour some antidote in it." Jane said.  
  
"Where's professor Snape?" B-chan looked around, "How did you get in without her?"  
  
"She gave us the password", Lupin explained, "She didn't want to see this."  
  
"Is this a raid?" asked a very suspicious-looking boy, who quickly hid a bag of dungbombs under the pile of cushions on the sofa.  
  
Lupin scowled, "Those are forbidden, you know, but we are not here to raid the whole Slytherin dungeons. No, just the girls temporary dormitory."  
  
The temporary dormitories were, despite their names, the places where more or less difficult students resided, separated from people they could have bad influence on. There were two temporary dorms for each house. One for girls and one for boys. In the Slytherin girls temporary dormitory, there were only to inhabitants; Jane and B-chan, for the obvious reason. The girls followed the professor and protégé to their dorm. Both had a pretty good idea of what they were looking for and who had tipped them off. B-chan made her mental note to hex Pansy Parkinson to Oblivion as soon as she could come up with a show-off summoning words for her new hex.  
  
---  
  
In the dorm, the two women began a frantic search for whatever it was they were looking for. The girls let out a relieved sigh, and soon after looked as if in great pain, wincing every time either one of them would go across the room.  
  
"I don't understand", Sirius finally said, "We were told there was a Severus Snape shrine here. Teacher shrines are forbidden."  
  
"Since when?" B-chan inquired  
  
"Since Serena Snape found out." Lupin said.  
  
"Well, there ain't one here", Jane said and pouted, "Although there would be one if you two wouldn't have tap danced all over it while searching it!" Her face was about as red as the crumbled paper hearts on the floor. And now they realized they indeed had destroyed a big Severus Snape shrine right in the middle of the room.  
  
"Now how didn't we see that one?" Sirius mused.  
  
"Because you are two blind idiots! Now out! Outoutoutout! GET OUT!" B-chan shoved the two from the room. When she turned, she saw Jane kneeling beside the destroyed shrine. She was biting back tears.  
  
"Oh, please!" B-chan took out her wand and pointed it at the remainders of the shrine, "Reparo", she said and the shrine was as good as new.  
  
"Oh, I forgot about that", Jane said as she wiped her tears away.  
  
---  
  
This is longer than others, no? 


End file.
